Writing Letters

30 November, 2020. The UK has had 1,617,327 positive Coronavirus cases, and more than 58,245 people have died.

I’ve been trying to write a letter for about 6 weeks. It’s to someone I’ve never met, and it’s a moment of connection, a thread connecting me to the Pull Up a Chair residency. The theme I’ve been given is ‘Pride’, and what that means for the people and communities of Gravesham.

My confidence is at a pretty low ebb, in myself as an artist, and in the point of making art in this world now. We’re over three weeks into the second lockdown, and we’re all tired. The possibility of connection with family and friends feels even further away. Writing this letter has been on my To Do list every day, and I’ve skirted around it or just flat out ignored it and hidden doing my laundry.

I’m wrestling with ‘Pride’; what it means, and with all the meanings it has acquired. I notice I often think of the word in a reductive way, that somehow it makes things smaller or tighter. It feels unstable, stretched somehow. I take a walk and make a mental list of all the places where I hear the word pride spoken, or that I associate with word – it instantly becomes more expansive and inclusive. The LGBTQI+ community have claimed the word in a vital, political act – pride is joyous, strong and takes up space. This claiming energises me.

The dictionary definition offers more possibilities.


Pride



Noun

1. a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

"the team was bursting with pride after recording a sensational victory"

Similar: pleasure, joy, delight, gratification, fulfilment, satisfaction, sense of achievement, comfort, content, contentment

2. consciousness of one's own dignity.

"he swallowed his pride and asked for help"

Similar: self-esteem, dignity, honour, self-respect, ego, self-worth, self-image, self-identity, self-regard, pride in oneself, pride in one's abilities, belief in one's worth, faith in oneself, amour propre

Opposite: shame

verb

1. be especially proud of (a particular quality or skill).

"he prided himself on his honesty"


I recognise the impact of my upbringing, a vaguely Methodist culture, in which pride was nearly always a sin. This planted the idea of pride as individualistic and not communal. ‘Pride come before a fall’ just keeps bouncing back through my brain.

This is not helping me write my letter. 

What I’m really wrestling with is the enquiry at the heart of this residency – how to bring pride, art and community into focus, how to explore the relationships between these things.  I’m searching for the questions that will shape the start of the conversations I will have, which will guide my thinking. 

I notice I’m trying very hard to get this right – I want to do the best possible job. In doing this, I’m letting pride get in the way of connection, of creating. In looking for a more positive motivation, I remember how much I love receiving letters, how right now, a letter would be a break from the everyday and might bring a moment of pleasure or interest.

So I sit down and I write a list of questions for inclusion in the letter. They aren’t perfect, but I know I’ll be interested in the answers;

  • What are you proud of?
  • What do you take pride in?
  • What are the best things about being proud or taking pride?
  • What are the worst things about being proud or taking pride?
  • Are you proud of Gravesham? Why or why not?
  • What do you wish people in your community took more pride in?
  • What is your favourite place to visit in Gravesham? 
  • Is there anything I should make sure to do when I finally get to visit?

And then I write a letter, and a little buzz of excitement is rekindled – a moment of connection to someone in a place I am yet to discover.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Flotsam and Jetsam - Day Two

Image
I got up at 6am so I could go down to the river and arrive for low tide, 6.40am and sunrise, 6.45am. A lucky convergence – two natural cycles syncing up to start the day and the residency. I wanted to disrupt my usual day, and seek out connection with Gravesham. Except I stayed up late reading the children’s version of The Kalevala. I started with the English translation for adults but I was really tired. The children’s version was great but I ended up not going to sleep until 12.30am.  So I didn’t actually get up at 6am. I snoozed until ten past and then raced around to cycle down, not getting time for breakfast. It was cold and misty and grey, although the first photo doesn’t look it. I had a good mooch about along the foreshore, found a shell and beautiful piece of mother of pearl from an oyster. It was grey with mud and green with algae.  The pebbles were a similar colour to those at St Andrew's Quay – more bits of broken, river softened brick here. I sat on a rock and calculat
Read more

Trosley Country Park & a glimpse of Vigo Village - Day 5

Image
I feel like I’m getting some impressions of Gravesend and the importance of the river to Gravesham but the interior feels a bit of a mystery. I decide to take myself to the furthest point away from the river in Gravesham.  The drive to Gravesham from East London feels quite intense, I’ve used both the Blackwell Tunnel and the Dart crossing on my previous visit. The roads are quite empty but are clearly made for huge volumes of traffic. There are roadworks, four lane roads and lots of interchanges. I wonder if all that traffic will return? What will a year of living through the pandemic change our commuting and travelling behaviour for good?  I usually use public transport, an environmental and practical choice that’s accessible to me. I’ve borrowed a car from a friend to enable me to support family who have been unwell, in a lower risk way. The journey to Gravesham by train is easy by comparison to the drive. The roads feel like an imposition, unconnected to place. They are a way to pa
Read more

Working for happiness

Image
I started the day with a Facebook Live from the Confidence Queen Genny Jones . In a packed and joyous half hour there was a friendly check in, some really great simple but powerful tips on setting goals, encouragement to connect and support each other and then some dancing. Bobbing around to 'Don't Stop me Now' was glorious - I don't dance often enough. I'm going to make more time to do this. It's a visit to Gravesham day, having completed a Covid test I drive over to meet with Mandy Hare, a Cultural Manger at Gravesham, which includes responsibility for The Woodville. Mandy began her career in the West End, before moving into managing venues and now she has a wider, more strategic remit. Since The Woodville first closed its doors because of the Pandemic (exactly a year ago) her working life has changed completely – and yet sort of not at all. There have been brief periods when The Woodville re-opened, with social distancing measures but much of her time has be
Read more